I JUST LOST MY WALL

i just lost my wall.
The blood in my underwear, the shape of the moon, the feeling of
being drawn and quartered,
all,
signs and symbols of
Nature's power over me.

if there is any intelligence in my womb,
it must be tired of being unfertilized.
is that a sign of choice, power, or faithlessness?
No matter.

Harvest seasons come without me.
in a day or so, the blood will pour.
in a billion other women,
at sundry times this month and in divers manners,
the blood will pour.

Like the spring whose waters does not fail,
we have no choice about it.
The lining of the uterus automatically folds out
and all that remains of lifeless protoplasm is the blood. Coded
blood - the wisp of foreparents gone by and now passing through me.

Blood that's bond, family, connection, relationship.
it'll loop back next month.
Red.
Primal.
Unseparated from Spirit's course; the color of passion,
bubbling,
bursting out of my flesh,
moon after moon after moon.

it'll bring this moist heat in the pit of my belly,
the clogging in my throat, the swelling in my heart, in my breast,
radiating a liquid passion all through me.
is it Spirit's libations pouring out upon me,
uniting me with the trinity of past, present and future?

No matter.
it mostly brings inner contractions.....
Ahhh, these inner tightenings, brain swellings and this sexuality, this clogging in my throat, this rapid beating heart, this warm
swelling clitoris....
bring
these (Haitian) souls, these liquid valentines, these loud and
serrated edges...

They are un-healed,
red, and as unrefined as my first chakra.
i'm caught,
with only fierce emotions to guide me.....in blood.

Blood that's death, wisdom and loss,
germinating spiritual 'n carnal contractions,
circling, moving about the particles of my life, my desires, my
loves, my links.....warm, liquid, sticky, red.

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(c) 1997 Marguerite Laurent. Excerpt from The Red, Black & Moonlight monologue series, based on Kenbe La! Crossings of a Vodun-Roots Woman by Marguerite Laurent. All rights reserved.

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